June 11, 2025

Permission From God To Feel

A couple of weeks ago, my church asked for all current or former service members to stand. My God Aunt nudged me and made me stand up. I didn’t like it at all! Not because I’m ashamed of my time in service but because I hate being the center of attention in any capacity. I have been a loner most of my life. I come from a big family and was the Quiet one. I did what I was supposed to do and did not get in much trouble. Because of that, in a lot of ways, I’m kind of used to being unseen. Now that I’m writing this, I’m wondering if part of the reason why therapy was hard for me is because I was used to being unheard.

People tend to think that if you don’t have these “gigantic” problems, you aren’t battling or going through anything, that your problems aren’t real problems. Or if you aren’t expressing yourself in “self-destructive” ways, you must be “fine.” I think that’s why I held so much in because that wasn’t my case. I did not have HUGE issues. However, I recall sitting in church years ago, and my pastor discussed this topic. He said something that would be life-changing for me, something I live by today:

“My struggle isn’t your struggle.”

I learned to stop downplaying what I was going through and to stop comparing myself to others. I was only hurting myself more by not getting the help I needed.

See, growing up in America, they like to instill in us the idea of the American Dream. As part of that idea, they tell us, “There are kids in Africa…” You probably know the rest. In the military, we are taught that “Things could be worse.” Therefore, from childhood into adulthood, it was instilled in me to tuck it in because someone else was going through way worse than what I was going through.

So that day in church, listening to my pastor, those words touched my heart and soul. It felt like God saw me and was giving me permission, saying, “Your problems matter. What you are going through matters.”

It was a moment of relief and validation that I wish everyone could experience. No matter what you are going through, big or small, your feelings matter, and what you are going through matters. You matter!