Learning to when to find balance in one-sided relationships

June 17, 2025

Finding my voice and expressing my feelings has always been a struggle. I really didn’t think people cared that much! Heck, sometimes I still feel this way. I’m the person most people lean on and come to with their problems. I’ve never had an issue with this, and I still don’t, if I’m being honest. I think it’s one of God’s purposes for me. It’s one of the reasons I excel at my profession.

However, I realized that if I’m going to allow this, especially in my personal life, there has to be balance. I can’t let people bring their problems to me and constantly weigh me down. I also realized that part of that balance involves asking myself, “Is this someone I can turn to in my time of need?” This understanding of balance in relationships reassured me and began to guide my future interactions.

I remember asking myself this after a conversation with one of my best friends. We had been on the phone for over an hour, just catching up. Then out of nowhere, he asked me, “Brooklyn, do you ever get lonely and feel sad out there by yourself? You’re getting shipped around like it’s nothing in the military. How does that make you feel?”

I couldn’t remember the last time someone asked me how I felt and actually listened to my answer. Whenever people called, it was always an “Oh, just checking on you” routine call, if that. They’d talk about me for a second, then move on to themselves.

You see, in the military, people always emphasize how the lifestyle impacts families. However, they rarely discuss the individual service member and how the constant moving affects them. That conversation sparked a deep moment of self-reflection. It made me question my relationships and take a hard look at my own emotional well-being.

That night, my friend and I had an in-depth conversation about me. It was eye-opening. Not just because it forced me to confront feelings I ignored but also because it made me reevaluate my relationships.

Are the people I’m allowing into my life, those I let pour out their innermost thoughts and emotions, capable of being there for me?

I realized I had to start loving some people from a distance. It didn’t mean they were bad people; they just weren’t that person for me. And that was okay. But it also meant I had to establish boundaries and maintain them for my own peace of mind.